A morning prayer...

...inspired by this morning's worship service.

My God, I contemplate Your works and I am left bewildered.

I think of Your glory and am left dumbfounded.

How am I to describe the God of mercy who turned His face from His own perfect sacrifice, only to make that same face shine on me, both a stranger and an enemy?

You are a God that shows both justice and compassion. Not in a single moment in the history of man, but throughout eternity. I am left small, resting on the grace of a great God.

Amen

The Weakness of Faith

He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there, and it will move,' and nothing will be impossible for you."

Early on in our journey with Cadenne, I had a fellow believer tell me, "Don't let the doctors tell you what to do. Have faith and pray, and God will heal her."

I have only the faith I was given. Apparently, I was not given enough faith to move much of anything. My faith was not capable of healing Cadenne's CDH. It was not sufficient to move the organs that had pushed their way through the hole in her diaphragm and crush one of her lungs. My faith was not strong enough to supply the oxygen levels needed to keep her off ECMO.

Weak and flailing is my faith. It was only able to provide me with peace of mind, knowing that the fate of my baby was in the hands of God. My faith, feeble as it is, was able to magnify and glorify a God who is more likely to use vocation though providence to work all things to the good of those who love Him, than an instantaneous miraculous healing. It was my small faith that led me broken and poor to His body, the church. Through them, I felt the hands of God minister to my family. It was in this lacking faith that I found great joy in my suffering, wishing that I had been found more faithful so that I could suffer more for His glory.

My faith was unable to move mountains of sickness, poverty, or the broken heart of a desperate man unable to fix his baby and shield his wife from sorrow. My faith was only strong enough to throw myself upon His promises of His faithfulness.

Soli Deo Gloria! It was not my faith that is at work healing baby Cadenne, but the God that gave me my faith!

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Note: There is a "virtual cast" for you to sign if you are among those praying for Cadenne. Please leave a comment including your name and local here.

What I learned this week...

All the calamities of the world can't scale the walls of my indifference.
But the tears of my wife, wash the walls away like waves on a sandcastle.
The generosity of the body of Christ breaks the gates like a strong army.
I am left humbled, knowing I am not as strong nor hard as I thought.

I reserve the right to delete this at any time...read fast.

Pics of the New Baby

Here are pictures of my brand new baby.


This is her room. Yes, all the equipment is for her.


She has CDH and she is on an ECMO (heart/lung bypass).
There are only four hospitals in California that offer ECMO.


Pray. For more information click here. Soli Deo Gloria.

A Recent Prayer

My God and my Lord,
To You alone I pray
Because you alone created every thing

It was You that came down to save me
It was You that created a heart of life in this once dead man
It was You that gave me eyes that see and ears that hear

You saved me not from the consequences of my sins
You saved me from the consequence of my sin nature
You saved me from the consequence of Your righteous judgment

Lord please forgive me for seeking pleasures other than You
Lord please forgive me for my pride that boasts in things other than You
Lord please forgive me for the passions that fail to glorify You

You gave me all that I have
You gave me my wife and my children
You gave me the ring in my ear, Master

By Your grace alone I stand before You
By Your grace alone I stand as head of my house
By Your grace alone I stand in the gap

With Your outstretched arm You have crushed Your enemies
With Your outstretched arm You have terrified whole nations
With Your outstretched arm You have lead me with steadfast love

Into Your arms I place all I have
Into Your arms I place all I fear
Into Your arms I place all my trust

Amen

You have not...

From the beginning of our difficulties with this pregnancy we have wanted the help and prayers of our brothers and sisters in Christ. I want the people I worship with involved in my life. I am blessed with a healthy church family. We have often been asked by our church family to give updates on Cadenne Hope. That is a relatively easy request to fulfill. But at this past concert of prayer I came across a request that was not so easy, One of the elders simply asked, "How are you doing?" I answered, "Tired." I went on to mention a couple of reasons why, none of which seemed adequate. Now that I have been able to reflect upon it a little longer, I think I have a better answer. I have been anxious. And sinfully so.

I continue to be anxious even though I know Matt. 6:25-34 tells me I shouldn't be anxious. I know that my God is the God of Israel, the God that provided even after their sinful unbelief in the wilderness. He was still faithful to His people. How often will I fret about material provisions instead of seeking His righteousness? (Philippians 4:6) He has always proven Himself faithful to His own. In this, my "wilderness experience", I find myself tempted to side with the ten spies, those that thought the taking of the promised land was beyond their abilities. They were right. Joshua and Caleb say as much in Num 14:5-10: "the Lord is with us".

In every sense is not that enough? If God is for me, who can be against me? I can see how He has cared for both the birds and George Muller, surely I fall some where between those two. I wish to live out the trust I profess in God, that His love would cast out this fear in particular.

Sometimes Blessings Stink

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5

If you read the Cadenne Hope Updates, you will know where this post comes from.

As for how this post relates to the post below, this would be a post on subject B) Stop pretending that you're OK. We know differently.

It seems that God has chosen to have me move beyond theological theories, and into the realm of living out the hope He has given to me. While we all understand that God is knitting our little girl together in Tricia's womb, we don't necessarily understand why He decided to skip a knit one, pearl two. I would like to think it is for the same reason the man in John 9:1-3 was born blind: to reveal God's glory.

The theory I had been formulating was a simple one. Given that we are sinners in a fallen world, pain is good. To quote Westley "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." But why would I argue that pain is good? Two reasons; 1) Pain as a diagnostic tool indicates that something is wrong and needs to change. Thomas Covenant longs for pain. This leads to reason 2) Pain also indicates life (that is you're not dead yet), which means there is time to correct the condition that is causing the pain.

I realize I have not suffered to the same extent as the great saints of the faith. As a result I do not have the endurance nor the character of a great man of God. For now I will rejoice in the suffering that my Lord has allotted me, content with the hope He is pouring out for His glory.

Post Script
I have come to understand a third reason that pain is good. It gives an opportunity for the body of Christ to be the arms of God that hold and comfort those that suffer.

Some Times Life is Like...

I can think of three different post to go with this picture. A) Covering up the old man doesn't work. It still stinks. You really need the deep cleaning. B) Stop pretending that your OK, we know differently. C) Air fresheners can't do what fresh air will. More on that later.

Not so Good News

My wife and I had some bad news this week. Tricia is 25 weeks pregnant and some complications were found. Read the updates here. If you would like to be on the e-mail prayer list, email me here.

I will post as I often as I am able. I know you understand.

Remember: Fear God.

One of my Elders preached straight to my heart last Sunday.You can listen here (warning: direct link to a 20mb file).

This sermon inspired this prayer.

My Lord God, You scare me.
I have been overwhelmed by Your power.
As you have humbled kings You have humbled me.
Fearing You is the beginning of wisdom.
Please forgive me for being a fool.
Your might has crushed cities and nations.
Yet I have been a coward in front of mockers
rather than being awestruck before you, my God.
You have broken me. I am Yours.
I thought too little of You, Lord. I thought You smaller than You are.
I have read the Prophets say, "From You there is no hiding place,"
But acted as though I could hide evil in the darkness of my heart.
To lay prostrate before You would be to esteem myself too highly.
If it was not for your mercy I would be unable to stand.
I am terrified by your wrath. Only Your arm can save me.
Yours is the glory so great that to see it would be death to the sinner.
Forgive me.

Recommended listening; Stavesacre, Zzyzx Scarecrow(iTunes link)

A Simple Question

Let me get right to the point. Is the concept of respect having to be earned a biblical concept?
Everyone seems to agree that love should be unconditional. Why not respect also? Most of the ladies will say, "But they are two totally different things!" I understand and acknowledge that as a viable perspective, but since when has the Christian life been about you? Aren't you supposed to be "others" focused? As I have mentioned before, a large percentage of men perceive love and respect to be exactly the same thing. Many men will tell you that absent respect there can't be love. Therefore if the "other" you are focused on sees respect as love, and we know that you want to love them in their native tongue (so to speak), shouldn't you respect unconditionally?

Giving the Gift of Wicked!

I gave my wife Tricia and my oldest daughter Karissa (7) a little gift of "Girl Time". Check out the details here please.

Never Turns to More

It seems like eons ago when Dan Phillips posted this question about continuing sin at Pyros.

Towards the end of the post he says,

One last twist: could you throw yourself in there? I could. The problem isn't really just Them, is it? Would that it were. Why does not my holiness grow and deepen more apace? Whatever "those people" pray, I know that I pray (and you pray) for growth in holiness. Why is it so slow? Why are sins so stubborn, and graces so seemingly ephemeral? Sins die so hard, graces grow so agonizingly slowly.

I think I will put myself in there. As Dave Grohl has said, "I've gotta confession to make."
So here I go. Hello, my name is Brian, and I'm a habitual speeder. And not your run of the mill five over the speed limit type either. More like twenty. One more thing...I don't feel bad about it.

That's just wrong. I occasionally feel a pang of guilt, but it passes quickly. But why do I persist? Is it the fleeting pleasure of of the sin? I'll be the first to admit that going fast sure is fun. So why has this "work of the devil" not been "destroyed" by Christ? He annihilated my desire to use methamphetamine more than a decade ago. So why not my desire to play "Double the Speed Limit?" Why has He left that desire standing?

To presume the motives of God is a scary thing. Thus, I will try to restrict myself to what He has revealed in His word. So why am I not granted instant holiness?

It may seem odd, but consider Balaam from Numbers 22:22. Everybody knows the story. Balaam's donkey sees the angel of the Lord set a pick, and does what any good donkey would do. It wanders off in to a nearby field. Twice more the angel sets the pick, with the last one the donkey just gives up and lies down. Then, of course, God gives voice to the donkey.

Moral of the story so far: When you see your friend is headed toward the judgment of God, be an ass. Eventually, God may speak though you and save your friend's life.

So how does this apply to the question at hand? We see Balaam repent. What did it take? Crisis. We all have times when we need a good smack upside the head. Sometimes it has to sting more than others, because at different times our skulls tend to change in density. Ultimately I believe it has to do with the fact that some sins bring us greater pleasure over a longer season than other sins.

It also tells me that I lack the proper perspective. I am not seeing my sin in relation to a real and coming judgment. This tells me my faith is small. In some measure I do not have the assurance of things hoped for (judgment by a righteous God in this case) but not seen. I believe that the reason God allowed me to go on in this sin was the minor crisis of writing this post. As I wrote, it became clear what my insubordination to civil authority really is: Thumbing my nose at my God. I thank God that this time the crisis was minor, merely reflecting on my sin in contrast with the righteousness of God. For the most part I have slowed down, and when I don't at least I feel bad about it.

Sometimes it is better to be Nineveh than Israel. Pray that God would break you...softly.

Recommended Reading: Ps. 139

Recommended Listening: Stavesacre's Acquiesce iTunes Link Lyrics found here

iPod™ Update

I finally replaced my stolen iPod™. Yea for me. I bought an "open box" 30gig in black. I saved about $55. That means I am happy on many levels. I thought I would use this opportunity to share my most played list as shown in iTunes™.

Big News!!!

Yes, really big, read all about it on the McDaris Family Blog. Go read it now, I'll wait here.

Integrity:Despised

in·teg·ri·ty

1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

In Genesis 25:34 we can read the culmination of a transaction that had more ramifications then either the seller or buyer may have realized. In this story there are no good guys. Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. We know why he did this: He had a felt need. It also seems that he would not have been surprised if he did not live long enough to enjoy the benefits of his birthright. On the other side, we have the supplanter. He low-balls the value of the birthright, taking advantage of his brother's desperation. Can you say "brotherly love"?

de·spise

1. To regard with contempt or scorn.
2. To dislike intensely; loathe.
3. To regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern.

All that to get to this: We can despise our integrity in much the same way as Esau did his birthright. How often do we feel that a "need" of the present is worth more than our integrity? How often have I traded my own wholeness (and holiness) for a bowl of stew? That stew could be a little extra (ill-gotten) cash to help ends meet, the lie told to avoid a confrontation (including the words left unsaid), or the spouse that cheats (as well as the spouse that neglects) because it is easier than being naked with each other.

Every transaction has a supplier and a consumer. Had Jacob not enabled the transaction, had he provided for his kin without guile, would the deceit of Genesis 27 been necessary? How often have I enabled or encouraged the fall of my brother for my own gain? Truly, more than I care to remember.

In each of these, we have less concern for being undivided, whole and sound than we do for satisfying a felt need. I find examples all over Scripture. I also find examples strewn throughout my life. It pains me because I know it reflects a lack of faith. It says, "God, I don't think You are going to take care of this need, and even though I know this option I came across doesn't square with Your Word I am going to go my way." Could there be another reason I would fail to stand in the wisdom and promises of God? I don't think so. Am I my brother's keeper? Yes I am. Likewise, you are my keeper.

Quick Notes From Out of Town

Hi Y'all,
I've been in the great state of Texas since Wednesday. I've noticed something here: There is a lot more state pride in Texas than in California, if state flags are any indicator.

I have some ideas for future posts, so please stay tuned.

Scars: Reminders of Lessons Learned

Let us start with a couple of traffic facts. Fact one: Everybody that drives a car is an idiot. Fact two: Everybody that rides a motorcycle is crazy. Not all to the same degree, mind you, but crazies and idiots nonetheless.

I'm a bit of both, as you might have guessed. I ride a motorcycle every day but Sunday, which happens to be the only day I wear long pants.

One work day, I dropped off my work truck and rode the motorcycle home where my wonderful bride was waiting for me with bated breath. (See facts one and two again.) As is my custom, I was "sharing" lanes on a surface street. The rest of traffic stopped for a red light. I was making my way to the limit line when a young lady decided she needed to force her way from the right lane to the left lane. I admit I was in no immediate danger, but I was looking in her mirror. She wasn't looking. That, um, "upset" me. Therefore, I pulled along side her, gave her the meanest you're-an-inconsiderate-idiot-are-you-trying-to-kill-me look I could muster from within a full face helmet and proceeded to go around her protruding bumper. Ah, but it was a tight fit. Not wanting to touch the Suburban she was trying to wedge behind, I "walked" my bike though the gap. I must have started with the wrong foot, because at about the third step I felt my right leg caught between the piping hot exhaust pipe and the girl's bumper. I hit the throttle and quickly powered out of the bind. It smarted. It left a mark that eight months later still reminds me of Romans 12:17-21. When I seek vengeance for myself, I'm the one that gets burned.

Captured Thoughts

Mr. Hatfield of Voice of Vision, reminded me of a kind of epiphany I had awhile back. Of course it was recent enough that it's kind of embarrassing to admit that it took so long to get "It".

I have seen many areas of growth in my life as a Christian. But there are other areas that are a constant fight. One of these areas is my thought life. Knowing I was supposed to hold every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), I would try to put the full nelson on every evil thought that came to mind and put it out of commission before it could grow into action. It was a rough life, full of failure.

Then one afternoon I was meditating upon Philippians 4:8. That is when it struck me. I was trying to hold the wrong thoughts captive! My wrestling with the wrong thoughts left little room to wrestle with the thoughts of God.

It has been amazing. The more I fill my mind with thoughts of God, really soaking in His Word, the less room there is for evil. As I think of my family, I see God at work more often. As I look at the world, I see more opportunity and less temptation. I see my works less and less and Christ in me more and more.

Scars of the Past

As you might imagine, the first time I read Romans 13 as a new believer my old identity was smashed to bits. If you haven't guessed it yet, that's my arm in the picture. A lasting reminder of the old man.

During the last eight years of my old life, I picked up my Bible less then a dozen times because I knew it was the word of God. I knew it would show me where I was in error, and I would be compelled to change. At the time, I wanted to pursue the pleasures of the world. I know what it means to be a stiff-necked (2 Chronicles 30:8) person.

In a sense, reading the Bible still scares me, because there I encounter God, the ultimate authority... one to whom all glory is due and to whom every knee shall bow. It is the faithfulness and mercy of God that gives me courage. This is the kind of courage needed to read Colossians 3 and be encouraged to leave the old man behind.

There's is an older Stavesacre song lyric that nails it for me.