The fight is on....

It has been a rough couple of weeks. It seems the fight against my more base desires is never won. I wish I could blame all my weaknesses on the devil but I know it is me that is my enemy. I often grow weary of beating my own thoughts into submission, but music seems to help. Namely, early Stavesacre, helps me to focus my thoughts and engage in the battle. Reminding me where my "shelter from the ever present enemy" is. And that the " hardest part of letting go, is trusting You with everything, and laying bare my soul". Of course the higher the decibel level the better.


2wk :.:.:.:

So-so

Finally, I'm back from vacation. It was some good times. And some mediocre times. Case in point, I won't be recommending any of the Las Vegas Cigar Factory cigars. I tried one of the blends in a maduro wrapper. It didn't quite suck, the draw was fine, which means it was quite easy to experience mediocrity. Seems to me as though it might be easiest to be mediocre. Oh, its so tempting to be mediocre, just cruise thoughnot putting in much if any effort. Just think about it. For myself it takes at least some effort to be bad, or maybe better yet, it takes effort to fail. You have to expose yourself to risk before you can fail. Easier to not risk anything than to fail... easier to fail than be great.

t-w:.:
:.:.:.

Seaside Singlewide

Seaside Singlewide
(A Trailer Trash epic)

Found my spot on the shoreline
Ten paces to the dry side of high tide
Is where I'll park my trailer in no time
My own little seaside singlewide

Toes in sand, I lean back in a resin chair
With an Avo burning and a cold Guinness
Watch the sun setting, smell the sea in the air
What tomorrow brings, I couldn't care less

I woke before dawn to a new sensation
A storm blew in, and the waves washed me out
So now my singlewide is floating in the ocean
Along with a sinking feeling and rising doubt

Quickly find my singlewide is not seaworthy
As it has aready become an aquatic habitat
I was swiming in a riptide by six thirty
Using a resin chair as a make shift raft

Homeless but alive on a rocky shore
With nothing ahead of me but sheer cliffs
I begin to climb soon my body is sore
Takes forever and a day to reach the precipice

Exhausted on the plateau I can only lay
On this hard flat and steady stone
Both of us warmed by the sun's ray
Thinking this is where I'll build my home

poetry

Effect of Music

Over the past few weeks, I have found great comfort in music. Not just any music, but music that reminds me of my standing with my Maker. Most of the music I prefer is quite heavy. I like good storytelling at really high volume levels. Good hard rock / alt. music tends to have deeper lyrical and music content then most of what is heard today.
To remind me of the fight I listen to Stavesacre "Between the Two Heavens". When I hear COC's "Rise River Rise" I am reminded of the grace I enjoy. Audioslave's "Like a Stone" reminds me of the house I long to be in myself. But one of my favorite and most compeling is "Epignosis" by Chaterbox.
I'll try to get an iMix playlist up on iTunes music store so you can drop the $3.96 to hear and maybe be a little richer for it.

music

Check yo'self

So I have a theory, that anyone that belongs to the visable church can be found in the letters to the churches in Revelation. Just another thought to bounce in my head.
On a different track, It is amazing how one part of life can get easier but others can become harder. More on this later.

:.:

Esteem

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? - unless indeed you fail to meet the test! 2 Cor 15:5
This passage has been bouncing around in my head for years. May be it would help to let you in on my number one life goal: to be a great man of God. Not to be a world famous man of God, not to be a well published man of God, not even to be a oft quoted man of God. To be a man of God who hears on the day I see my Lord's face, "well done good and faithfull servant."
Therefore, I am always seeking to achive (as much as is up to me) this goal. Knowing where I want to be is the easy part. Knowing where I currently am is a little more difficult. Of course I use scripture to try to test my self, but there in lies the difficult part. It would be folly to rely solely on my own estimation of myself. Fortunately, I have a couple of friends that aren't afraid of hurting my feelings.

f .:.:
s.:.:.:
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Musings in Matthew

As part of our nightly rituals, I have been reading though the Gospel of Mathew with my girls. I have noticed that trying to breakdown scripture for a five year old causes me to think about it differently. Thinking in more basic terms, without using big words helps me figure out how well I understand the point of the passage. Anywho, I had some fresh eyes and was thinking, so I figured I'd keep on thinking. Easier to keep the fire going than to start a new one later. I was wondering why I hadn't had a clear direction as I look for a new home church for my family. I begain to realize that God doesn't always guide me like I expect Him to, fancy that. To me it is like picking up a friend at the airport. You know which exit he is going to be coming out from, untll your third time past the terminal, (unless your my wife, your getting picked up at the curb) the cell phone rings. Its your buddy just letting you know he has seen you drive by, twice. He showed up where he wasn't expected. Such is my current situation with God. I was waiting for Him to lead me in the same manner He lead me last time I was looking for a church. Wich was basically by the hand, This time though, it seems He is using the old "block all but one way" style of directing my path. Time will tell if have assessed the situation rightly.
:.:.:

So here it starts...

I have a friend who suggested I should "journal", I personally don't like "journaling" but blogging is totally different, you see. No,..no you don't do you? I don't buy it either, but it still seems better than journaling. Anywho.. this is how it starts, I woulndn't hold out any hope that its going to get any better.